Have you heard of the saying that a sexually abused child would grow up to become either an abuser him/herself or become someone addicted to having promiscuous sex, i.e. turn into a tramp?
I had not imagined that a reader would decipher that. After all, I wrote of having menages with a vampire as well — which, I had not experienced. ;-)
But the molested part: yes.
So, the next question: Have I ever sexually abused anyone?
And I do not ever plan on doing that.
Then how about the tramp part?
I am an erotica writer but I don’t think that qualifies me as being a tramp. I write stories which would not have worked without the explicit sex scenes but I am not inviting any and everyone who looks decently human to have sex with me.
But… whether I am using this as an excuse or not, I had a tendency to cling onto dead or bad relationships for a lot longer than any sane woman would suffer. I also had a tendency to believe in a lot of bullshit that manipulative people say.
I hope that is not a subconscious self-abuse tendency, but I believe I am cured of that now. There is a limit as to how much a person (no matter how gullible) can tolerate.
I am not ashamed of who I am, and I am not ashamed of what once happened to me, because I did nothing wrong. It was the abuser who was wrong. He was dead, a long time ago, by the way.
My demon is not becoming an abuser or mindlessly giving my body away, it is a deeper sense of self-worth that sometimes might not be strong enough. For women who share my insecurity and doubts, here is a book that is especially helpful: Why Men Love Bitches. It was an instant hit, a huge bestseller, and the author deserves every penny. It’s a great book to help smack you on the head when you let yourself be a doormat. Never be a pushover again.
Enjoy! Be strong!